I am sooooooooooooo very hurt today so it directed me back to my blog to ease my pain...
Some times you live all your life for someone. I did the same to her. I loved her ..I lost my job to honor her word, I left out all my relatives to give all my time to her. I wanted to live on her. Live only on her. I even risked my life at a point where every one else was against her word. I was about to loose even my purity which I protected all this long ...Coz I want her to be my owner. Take decisions of my life. I gave her that permission which only she can have. Even she is right or wrong I stood by her to say the world that she is right.
But that she, blaming me still. Blaming my heart still. And more than anything she is rejecting my love over and over again.
After all keeping the people who blames her n chased me out from her life.
I dont knw what more I can do .I am so very helpless .God please help me..I knw this love is just like I am loving a robot who will never feel it , never need it, never will value it.
God please give me strength to over come this feeling towards her. I am just soo bound by true feelings for her which I want to stop.
I love her, still to this point I love her, I didnt get any loving word from her to love this way. All she did was blaming me for every single thing I did and on top she never trusted my love.
May be one day I will loose my life to save her..But I wonder whether it will b worth it. Wonder atleast my death will heat her heart to feel my love. I loved her every single way and just the way she is.
Instead I changed so much within me to adjust according to her needs.
I spent sleepless nights to be with her and did all my work when she was a sleep.
I spent almost half a lak to make her life safe and happy at a time when I didnt have any more savings or earnings.
My beloved God , I knw she will never see this. She will never realize what I have done for her and how much she meant to my life..
This little note is to some one who can scream to the world to say how much she meant to me. Coz till death part me from her life she will not feel what I gave her..
In a way I feel we both were in the same boat riding to the same direction. Where I love her when no love is return and no trust or understanding or feelings towards me. Same way she loves some one else and dying for what she had got from her. She is far more better than me in that way coz she is finding something which she atleast had at a time and trying to hold on to something which was to be her. But stupid me trying to keep something which never belonged to me. I keep on crying thinking that I will loose her but truth is she was anyway not given to me !!!
This note one day will let her knw ..." My beloved I loved from the very depth of my heart "
I lived on you and will cherish all what I had in the births to come ~~~~
