After a long time ...Back to the blog

I found love as i thought ...gave all wht i could
coz my heart still wanna lean on to her ...
deeply wanna be involved with her ...
but
but
but .....
I feel sooooooooo parted now ..
feel there is no lov nymore inside her..
whether the history was a dream ??
I feel sooooooooooo bad about all what i thought
All what I felt and gave her
thinking that she wil be with me forever
I dont know whether I have been misleaded
I dont knw whether she still love me the same

But
but
but
there is no such feeling anymore ...
from her its just empty as it could be

I feel soooooooooooo bad
but still cant let her go from my mind
I know without here there cant be me
without her there is no life for me
no breath for me
but is she taking that for granted ??
was it a joke in her eye ??
I just cant explain how much
I have sacrificed to be with her
what ever the way she wanted me to be ...
I changed every possible way
But at last I feel
all that is no use ...
Gosh ..tears just pass by my cheeks
Thinking that once again whether I have been used
I dont understand
why she cant see me inside out
why she cant understand how much she mean to me
without her warmth how hard to pass the days
without her loving words how hard it is to live
and take all the pain i go thru
my darling princess
you are all i have and all i want to have
without u I am no where can be found ..
do u feel the same for me my love ??

I am soooooooooooo hurt !!!

I am sooooooooooooo very hurt today so it directed me back to my blog to ease my pain...

Some times you live all your life for someone. I did the same to her. I loved her ..I lost my job to honor her word, I left out all my relatives to give all my time to her. I wanted to live on her. Live only on her. I even risked my life at a point where every one else was against her word. I was about to loose even my purity which I protected all this long ...Coz I want her to be my owner. Take decisions of my life. I gave her that permission which only she can have. Even she is right or wrong I stood by her to say the world that she is right. 

But that she,  blaming me still. Blaming my heart still. And more than anything she is rejecting my love over and over again. 

After all keeping the people who blames her n chased me out from her life.

I dont knw what more I can do .I am so very helpless .God please help me..I knw this love is just like I am loving a robot who will never feel it , never need it, never will value it. 

God please give me strength to over come this feeling towards her. I am just soo bound by true feelings for her which I want to stop. 

I love her, still to this point I love her, I didnt get any loving word from her to love this way. All she did was blaming me for every single thing I did and on top she never trusted my love.

May be one day I will loose my life to save her..But I wonder whether it will b worth it. Wonder atleast my death will heat her heart to feel my love. I loved her every single way and just the way she is. 

Instead I changed so much within me to adjust according to her needs. 

I spent sleepless nights to be with her and did all my work when she was a sleep. 

I spent almost half a lak to make her life safe and happy at a time when I didnt have any more savings or earnings. 

My beloved God , I knw she will never see this. She will never realize what I have done for her and how much she meant to my life..

This little note is to some one who can scream to the world to say how much she meant to me. Coz till death part me from her life she will not feel what I gave her..

In a way I feel we both were in the same boat riding to the same direction. Where I love her when no love is return and no trust or understanding or feelings towards me. Same way she loves some one else and dying for what she had got from her. She is far more better than me in that way coz she is finding something which she atleast had at a time and trying to hold on to something which was to be her. But stupid me trying to keep something which never belonged to me. I keep on crying thinking that I will loose her but truth is she was anyway not given to me !!!

This note one day will let her knw ..." My beloved I loved from the very depth of my heart " 

I lived on you and will cherish all what I had in the births to come ~~~~

Well Said !!!

"It hurts to breathe because every breath I take proves I can’t live without you."
Anonymous

"To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful."
Bess Myerson

"A life with love will have some thorns, but a life without love will have no roses."
Anonymous

"Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears."
Marcus Aurelius

"The greatest pain that comes from love is loving someone you can never have."
Anonymous

"Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew."
Anonymous

"The stupidest mistake in life is thinking the one who hurt you the most, won’t hurt you again."
Anonymous

"The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost."
Anonymous

"Love is unconditional, relationships are not."
Grant Gudmundson

"For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, "It might have been.""
John Greenleaf Whittier

Love you means Everything you mean to me !!!

Sometimes we can fall in love with someone for
all the wrong reasons,
and still love them even after all the heartache
because most of the time

we can’t pick who we love. And even though
we know we  shouldn’t love them, we do and
always will, because there are just
some people in our lives who will get to us for reasons we can’t
explain, even when they shouldn’t.

Some times I just dont get why I love you this much 

Even when there is nothing in return ..

Then again I realize that is where I love you too much

In my life 

You are the adviser , you are the guider

You are the only permitted person to change my way 

In the way you want ...

Even the I have to leave this world 

All I want is to die looking at your eyes...

I know my beloved ..may be I am never in your life

never in your way 

never in your dreams ...

But For me ...you are everything...

Even when I am so down at heart ..I recall your sweet words

recall your cute smile to feel that some one is there for me....

Thou in reality you are never for me !!!

When I remember You it means that I have
carried something of
who You are with me

It means that even after you die,
I can still see your face and hear your voice and
speak to you in my heart.
For as long as I remember you,

You are never entirely lost.!!!

That Some Body is me !!!

You, do you remember me?
Like I remember you?
Do you spend your life
Going back in your mind to that time?

Cause I, I walk the streets alone
I hate being on my own
And everyone can see that I really fell
And Im going through hell
Thinking about you with somebody else

Somebody wants you, somebody needs you
Somebody dreams about you every single night
Somebody cant breathe, without you its lonely
Somebody hopes that one day you will see
That somebody's me, that somebody's me, yeah

How, how did we go wrong?
It was so good and now its gone
And I pray at night that our paths soon will cross
And what we hide isn't lost
Cause you re always right here in my thoughts

Somebody wants you, somebody needs you
Somebody dreams about you every single night
Somebody cant breathe, without you its lonely
Somebody hopes that one day you will see
That somebody's me, oh, yeah

You will always be in my life even if Im not in your life
Cause you're in my memory
You, will you remember me?
And before you set me free, oh, listen please

Somebody wants you, somebody needs you
Somebody dreams about you every single night
Somebody cant breathe, without you its lonely
Somebody hopes that someday you will see
Somebody's me, that somebody's me
That somebody's me, that somebody's me, oh, yeah

This is not easy !!!!

I know I am not at all pretty enough 

to attract anyone

I know I am not cute enough to 

make any one interested..

I know I am not a millionaire 

for people to look apon 

I am not perfect on anything I did

I am not educated enough to stand among the best

I know all that is true within me..

Truth is as such that I am nothing 

when I stand on earth 

for anyone else to look into...

Absolutely I have nothing 

to attract anyone and make people come on my way !!!

But 

But, one thing I know I had enough ..

and I am sure I had too much of it to serve you 

The right way as you wanted...

That is nothing else but 

A very pure love which was unconditional and  born only for you !!!

I know I loved you enough 

to fight for you , compromise for you , 

sacrifice my life for you ..

not only that ...

I loved you enough 

to believe you are the perfect person I met

to believe you are the best I had in my life

to have faith to stand by you no matter what you did

Also I loved you enough 

to miss you every single day I spent 

to live for you and die for you one day 

I loved you enough to spend the rest of my life

thinking only about you thou you are part 

and live far away from me...

And I am sure that I loved you this much 

not for your money 

not for your property 

not for your status or your beauty 

I loved you only and only coz 

I saw my self in you ...I saw such a beautiful heart in you 

I saw a rare sensitivity within you ..I saw a pure heart inside you 

And I loved you coz I didnt have a reason not to do so ...

but one thing I cant figure is that what was missing in my love

after all ...for you to not to feel even an inch of it !!!

Or wonder whether you just pretend as you didnt see 

through my heart ....thinking that you may have to return my love 

which you are not capable even to think of ...

Still all I would say is ...I LOVE YOU...

I LOVE YOU ..I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN EVER RECEIVE 

I loved a stone ??? Did I ???

I cared for you giving the best care I can 

I loved you with all my heart

I cried when you hurt me 

Coz I have given you the authority to do so 

I sigh when you are not around me

Coz I made you the only one I wanted 

I forget all the bad times we came across

Coz there were so much more to keep in mind

about the loveliest things of your life 

I forget the words which came as arrows to my heart

As those just made my heart bleed ...

But with all the blood which came out 

I wrote your name in my heart again and again 

I showed you every moment how much I care

I proved you every second how much I love 

I made you understand in every word I said 

and the every look I looked at you !!

I wrote thousand poems 

I sent you hundred songs

Every penny I earned ..I saved to buy something for you

I messaged you every moment that you comes to my mind

I called all the sweet words in the world 

to make you feel how deep my love is

I called you every time to find out how you do 

thinking that you will know how much I miss you 

I did all what is possible to protect your belongings

to make sure you are safe and covered. 

I represented you every time 

thinking that I have the right to do so 

I gave up many more opportunities

which came along my way 

coz I felt that I already got the best opportunity 

by getting time to serve you 

look after you 

and more than all to 

worship you by such pure and unconditional love !!!!

But at last I feel 

Did I loved a stone ???

where nothing I did has made her understand

how deep this love is ....and how much it hurts 

even to think of a life without her ?????