This is a New Year !!! But ..............

I dont know whether to celebrate this glory

of entering another brand new year !!

I dont know whether to be happy of 

having this new year

I simply take the time to recall 

the year I spent with you !

having so much of pains

but behind all that 

there was soooooo much of things

for me to see back and smile 

that I had you in my life after all ....

You wished me saying my second mum ...

You wished me right at mid night 

Which was never expected ...

And it made me really have 

your blessings to start that year

hmmmmmmmmmmmm

One year , One best year of my life is done

its over now

and without you I dont know what to celebrate now

you are gone and I am alone 

But still I see you thru my tears !!!

Love you and Good bye ....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWWRk9peAyM&feature=related

Will you ever see the truth in me ?

If my departure can give u happiness for your life

this pain in my heart is a little price to pay 

to give the best to you !!!

If I can make my heart a home 

for you to relax when ever you are tired

that is all I wish for 

But you will never never never never will realize this darling...

you will never realize how much this heart felt for you !!!

How come you became my everything when I was nothing to you ?

Do you really know what you did ???

My dearest princess 

knowingly or unknowingly

You kicked out a heart who let u get in to the deepest end 

Chased a heart which made you number one, leaving everything a side 

           A heart which made you its world

           And the priority among all...

You hurt a heart which see your pain through tears 

     never wanted to let you go through pain 

You never valued this heart and what it really could do to you

But still for all you remain as the king of that broken heart !!!

 

IF loving you is wrong ..I never want to be right !!

My dearest - - - 

Its almost killing me this way ...

But to be honest to you 

I am not at all afraid to die 

But I am afraid

that if I die

WHO WILL LOVE YOU AS MUCH AS I DID ??

 

Every thing Changed..And I miss the person you used to be !!

It was a beautiful past..

At a time
she was with me
in skype , on phone , in msgs,
in everything she did
I was right behind

When ever she was in pain
she turned on to me
when ever she wanted to cry
she cried infront of me
when ever she wanted an opinion
she got back to me

There was a time
I sang for her
till she slept
I was even listening to her sleep
there was a time
when ever the phone gets disconnected
she ringed back to me
just in a second
That was a beautiful past

I still recall
once when I put a status msg
on skype
saying to reject a person ten times
if that person rejects me once
well ..in the very next second
she called me back
just to know what I meant on that
may be coz she wanted to know
whether I am gonna reject her
that made me realize
that there was a need in her
to have me in her life

When ever I dont call her
she tries to call me several times
and finally send me a msg
asking me to call her as she is sick

May be its because she knew
every bit of the sensitiveness I had
every bit of me which I gave her
with full of love
no matter how sad I am
oh no matter how angry I am
just in one call of her
made me forget everything else
and think only of her

yes that was a beautiful past
She just wanted me ...
to help her at work
and to help her in life
Which was the best chance i got
it worth more than millions to me

I never tried to wait till
a day she send me gifts
I never expected anything
but when ever I get a chance
who ever who comes this way
I some how or other
sent something to her
to make her smile
thou no one brought me anything
every time they went back
I sent something
which made me have a thought
of having million gifts for me
that much I made my self happy
by giving the best to her

Some days she hurt me
some days she didnt trust me
some days she ignored me
those wounds were cut so deep
but still there was
some beauty hidden in it
coz all i wished is
having her in my life
may be even as a wound...

That beautiful past is just a memory now
I wonder whether she wanted me
just to pass time
when she was hurt those days
Still I dont know
whether its the exact reason for all this
coz now since there is no pain
she doesnt need me
but all this time
I gave her love
with my whole heart

but that beautiful heart
which received it ...
the heart who had the need
of having me beside
is not there any more
in her life
i have been just the past for her
things have changed that much
where I wont be her future anymore 

She is Calling ..............

“If you are going to love me then love me deeply

If you are going to break my heart then please break it all

If you are going to care then care for me completely

If you decide not to hold me then just let me fall

If you are going to stay then stay forever and if you want to leave then do it today

If you are going to change then change for the better

And if you are going to talk please mean what you say ”

I dont know why , 

I dont know what for , 

She is calling me every day ...

Which makes me feel more and more down..

I wish to talk 

To talk the same way as I did before 

but it was not the same way she rings me now..

In the past there was a time 

she was on the phone the whole day with me even at work 

She calls until she sleep 

until she get into her sweet dreams

and gets up with my morning call 

There was a time where I knew 

all what she did ..

where she go what she do 

whether she had her meals, 

All her tears I wiped out 

when ever she needed 

all her pain i shared 

when ever i saw her in tears

She was just like a miracle

smiled up on my life

that was a time she needed me

she felt my love may be

and I even felt that she has a need for me 

which is not there anymore

I dont know how 

and I dont know when 

but things have changed 

from her end now

its just a matter of few seconds a day

she needs me now 

but even for that few seconds 

I dont know why she needs me ..

When I just trying to move on

leaving her a side

leaving that beautiful memory a side

and leaving the best part of my heart a side

She comes back with a smile..

I am trying something impossible may be

but i keep on trying 

but when she calls even for a second

again I get my self lost

in that dream for days and days !!!

No No No ..

I will not , I should not ...

I will let her go 

some how some way 

I will do that 

Living with loneliness 

is far more better 

coz I have the certainty that

Loneliness will be with me forever !!!!

“I am sitting here all by myself
just trying to think of something to do
Trying to think of something or anything
just to keep me away from thinking of you
But you know it is not working out

coz you are all that is on my mind
One thought of you is all it takes
to leave the rest of the world behind"

 

Dont know whether you deserve this love ??

Loving the right person at the wrong time or having the wrong person when the time is right and finding out that you love someone right after that person walks out of your life

Sometimes you think you are already over a person but
 when you see them smile at you only you will realize that you are just pretending to be over them just to ease the pain of knowing that they will never be yours again. 

For some people they think that letting go is one way of
expressing how much they love that person but Some are afraid to see the one they love being held by someone else

Most relationships tend to fail not because the absence of love coz Love is always present

It is just that one was being loved too much and the other was being love too little

As we all know that the heart is the center of the body but it beats on the left 

Maybe that is the reason why the heart is not always right 

as often we fall in love with the person we think we love but to only discover that for them we are just for passing time 

while the one who truly loves us remains either a friend or a stranger

so the best thing may be to let go
when you are hurting too much and give up when love is not enough and move on when things are not like before

For sure there is someone out there who
will love you even more

Its Christmas for everyone

Every face there is a smile today
Every one is with some one today
celebrating this holy day
and on top of all
its my mothers birthday today
But
But
Still I am alone in my little room
without even the best gift I had in my life...

I didn’t lose her that is the fact I let her go

I didn’t get over her but I just moved on

The reality is that when you truly love someone you never lose them or get over them

they will always mean something to you

so no matter how hard you try 

if it was true love you will never forget them

 

So its a time now 

where I cant get over with it 

neither can i live with it 

I really don't know what to do 

Santa please see into me

and atleast some peace is left over with u

please give it to me and go 

Its just that I am left alone 

with overflowing tears

even on this special day 

I am here in my room ...

People are there

but I love this lonlyness

coz without you 

none can fill up the emptiness

How ever still 

with my broken I heart

I pray you 

good health , wealth , peace , and joy

may success be right behind you 

in the years to come 

and may this Christmas brings you 

all the blessings of God 

and fill your days with an 

eternal smile !!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vKMAywz0TfM

Wish if death can come closer !!

On and off we still speak, but the conversations are very much short 

I speak so carefully having the fear that something will slip out like I miss you or I miss this

so that I will immediately regret the words I have spoken

Because if I say these things
 I will realize I am still not over you after all this time

Or may be she will feel that I am this much stupid..

Or I just don't want to show what I really have inside

I simply don't want to show her that still she is within me

covering my whole heart 

coz that will be the biggest mistake I do even after she chase me out ....

every time I see you I don’t want  to go through that pain again

so I make like I’m over it. I cover it up 

and prove that I am ok..

Or may be with a fake smile I am trying to show every one 

that I am totally fine without her..

thou inside me is burning...

Coz truth is the history will never become the future

it will just remain as a beloved past

and will never come back to my life

that is the exact fact which I don't want to admit

But I don't know how far I am successful

in pretending that I am ok ..

coz every day every minute 

this eyes cover up with tears

and every time when there are people 

I try to keep my self alone 

and ignore the people around me...

Missing my life !

I try to talk to you, I try to call you but I don’t know what to say. Don't know what to express. I am afraid you don’t
want me to say anything, so I don’t. Coz I don't want to face the truth

But inside of me there are words waiting,
to come out and tell you how I feel, like how I miss you. And how I love you
despite my broken heart and how I need you in my life.

And especially how
much I want you at this very moment.. You never know darling..

coz when you left you took my whole life and left 

so that there is nothing I have and everything I miss in my life now

The words of missing you may forever stay locked in my heart,
locked inside.  

Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside yours
 too, but I’ll never know

Why it is this hard - - -

 Do you ever get that feeling where you don’t want to talk to anybody?
You don’t want to smile and you don’t want to fake being happy but at the
same time you don’t know exactly what’s wrong either, there isn’t a way to
explain it to someone who doesn’t already understand. If you could want
anything in the world it would be to be alone. At least when you’re alone
 no one constantly asks you what’s wrong and there isn’t anyone who won’t
take “I don’t know” for an answer. You feel the way you do just because. You
hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself
again, but until then all you can do is wait.......

Maybe I wasn’t asking you to love me, maybe I was asking you to understand, because for so long I’ve been hurt and for so long you’ve ignored it, and maybe it is bad timing, but maybe, I’ve been here all along just waiting, waiting for you to notice, waiting for you to care. Waiting for you to say that you’ve been waiting too and you haven’t and maybe you never will or maybe you’re afraid to. But it all hurts the same, and in the end, I’m the one that’s left broken and when I lay down to sleep, I’m still the one crying, so screw the bad timing. I’ve loved you then, like I love you now, like I probably always will 

Ane mage Chooti maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I wanted to be someone to you who can assure you that I’m it. 

Someone who is not afraid to hold your hand wherever you go,

and someone who can be as true with you as you are with me.  

I wanted you to be awaken up by a cute phone call from me
where it tells how much I miss you, and care for you.
Overall, I just wanted to be someone that, will stand by you| no matter what.

But you never let this happen !! 

My dearest darling

I may have had you in my life for just an year..

but it was the most beautiful year I spent from all in my life

so now at this very moment I dont know

how am I gonna spend the rest of my life

just having that beautiful dream

which hurts me more and more of missing you !!

No matter what you have done

to hurt this little heart

its still loving you the same way

and misses you the same way

just as an year back

where I met you in my life

May be my love is not enough for you

may be my love didnt full fil your dreams

or may be I was not as much as attracted

to fall in love with ..

but one thing I know for sure is

I gave you love from the deepest end of my heart

and it was the best I could give and

still if its not your requirement I know I have to let you go !!

With full of tears I am right here 

watching you walking away from me ..

So let me tell you at last 

coz you always had a doubt on what I expect from you 

and you always questioned me

what I really wanted from you 

my dearest darling ...

All I wanted is 

ALL I NEED IS YOU NEEDING ME ....

Heart Ache !!!

I dont know where you are now,

and what you are doing

I dont know with whom are you engaged with

But I know one thing for sure that

I am not at all in your mind

thou you are in mine all this days..

Still this heart cries when ever I feel

that you will be in danger,

whether your money will be taken by some one

whether some one will take advantage from you

whether your heart will be hurt

or whether there is anyone

for you to share your grief and joy...

I have no clue how to over come all this ..

As my heart aches when ever

you pass by my mind

I just cant take a bite to swollow

whenever I wonder whether you had your meals,

I just cant sleep with dreams

whenever I feel that there is no one to help you out...

Still still still this heart cant admit

that you are gone so far from me..

I cry all day and night

I feel as if I let my life go with you

I feel as if I let my smile leave with you

I feel as if I let my breath walk with you

that much I am numb and paralyzed

Only a little hope still remain to see you one day !!!

You know darling ...

I’ve always been haunted by the memories of us.
One of the hardest things for me was watching you walk away.
They may be able to never hurt you like I did, but they will never love you like I still do.

LOVE YOU LORDS MY LITTLE PRINCESS

No matter what still I love you

She doesn’t know, she really doesn’t know
this painful love
I love alone, and say another goodbye
I’m sending her away

I try and try to erase
But not even a fingertip’s amount can be erased
The only person who can be the one for me,
I’m sending her away

She  don’t know love  

She don’t have a clue about love
She doesn’t know my heart that knows nothing but love

Its tough , But I am trying !

This is very very very very painful my love...
Just as I saw the question
that you ask from me ?
I wonder what to say
I wonder whether to say
How can I stop talking to you
How can I even pass a minute
without thinking of you

But yes your question on me is
quite acceptable coz
you never peeped into this heart
to see that
it lived for you
and sure will die for you
that heart has no life without you ...

But my dearest darling...
The truth is this
if I talk today
you can just live with it for anther week
as the information you wanted
from me is passed to you
But for me ..
If in case if I talk to you
all the miracles in the world will happen I know ..
From that very moment again I will
live in that dream world
thinking you will call me
msg me, skype me ,
which is not the truth ..
But I start expecting another call
from you
I start expecting another msg from you ..

That much this heart is involved in you
thou u dont get it ..
my dearest ...
its very very very hard to me
to close my eyes and see
a world without you !!!
Even right now whole my self
just melted away
as I saw your question
coz how can I answer you and say
that how much your words mean to me
you never get what my heart said
you never felt it
so how can I come back and talk to you
What for my darling ??
These talks might not make a big difference in you ..
but sure will make a huge difference in me !!

What more to say my love ???

This is exactly what I got to say right now ...

I wonder whether you see it or even feel it ..

But at this very moment with tears in my eyes

I see you right here my love

but cant let others see you 

so I put a fake smile on top of my tears

So that no one will see the beauty in you !!!

Its really really hurting and so much painful 

as when I realize that I let you go 

for the last time last night 

I said Good bye to you  

with the intention of having no contacts 

here after with you 

But do you ever felt how can this heart take it ??

Its almost about to die...

but a little hope of seeing you again 

I still live right here

That little hope gives me so much of strength 

to live no matter what disaster I face 

My dear darling Good bye for you 

Thou its never my wish 

I had to do so 

as you let it happen ...

******* I LOVE YOU *****

Why it was you from all ???

All this years
I met thousands and thousands of people
Some were just gone in seconds
some stayed few years in my life
some came closer just as friends
some were like my own relatives
but not even handful
stamped a mark on my heart ...

But from that very few
you went to the deepest end
of my heart without even my notice
I still wonder how it happened
And why I loved you this much

Yes you have millions in hand
you have social status
and sit some where on top of the world
You have beauty
which can attract people around u
You had every thing a person
wish in her life for ...

But nothing attracted me
for me to be this close to you
never in my dreams I loved you
for money or beauty

I loved you this much
coz ....

I saw some unique heart in you
thou your words are harsh on me
through your words I saw
the real person inside you
who was just as sensitive as I am
Who was just as innocent as I am
In some ways I saw my self in you

I loved the way you loved others
I loved the way you treated others
I loved the way you helped others
I loved the way you cared for others
thou you gave nothing to me ..
I simply loved the way you lived
in this world for others

I even loved the way you cried
infront of me ..
I loved the way you scolded me
I loved the way you questioned me
I loved the way you thanked me
every single thing you did
made me love you more and more
thou some times it really really
hurt the very end of my heart !!!
To be true I even loved the sorrow
I shared when I am with you ...
This heart really did so

I still like to live in that pain
coz that pain gives life to me ...
You may not know my dearest - - -
But you replaced some
missing parts in my life
You replaced the beauty
I lost in my life
You replaced the joy and sorrow
at a time where I was numb for all...

That is what made me love you this way
the more you stayed away from me
made me love you more and more
May be its because the reality is
you will never be mine
But I love to live in this dream
loving you more and more
and even to die and prove how much you mean to me !!! 

Why cant this heart leave you ??

Gosh ...

I dont get it ..

I really dont get it 

why this heart still cant leave you 

Its still longing to see you 

longing to hear from you 

longing to be with you 

I just dont know how to teach my heart

that there is nothing to hold on in you 

you have left and gone

and never was with me 

You never even felt how much this heart loved you 

Never felt what this heart can really do to you 

Never admit that it did the right thing to you 

But still still still 

this heart is so fond of your presence

the need never changed

no matter what you did...

no matter what you said

gosh I really have no clue what to be done

I dont know may be I am wrong

but its high time to leave you 

though its the worst thing i can do to me 

I will do it coz I know its the best for you

coz you never wanted me 

and never will 

so you will never even miss my presence

That will be a known fact

Though I am just faking my self

I got to do this

I am gonna leave you 

I am gonna take my body so away from you 

may be I will not succeed in taking the heart

but I will not let it suffer this way 

and cry for some one who will not see 

the pain that this heart go through

Now its time to leave you ..

that is all I know

this departure is not what I wished for

but you made me wish for it

you made me think 

that this is the only option for me 

Good bye my love

Good bye forever

I may not come back to your life

for you to say that 

I am the worst you met

anyway after my absence

I dont think you will even have in mind,

that there was a such person 

as you said you have better things to remember

But you know darling ...

still with all this pain 

you are the only thing I remember

and carry from this place to 

where ever I go...

Even death will not be able to 

separate you from me

But I wont come back 

wont come back in front of you ...

That will be my promise to you !!! 

Love you darling - - - 

Thou I am not yours ever

You will remain in my heart forever

Truth is out there - - - -

For her 

I am not trustworthy 

I am not the right person to work with 

I am not the priority in her life

I am just just as a piece of tissue

to wipe the face n put to the bin 

Further ..

I am the lier 

I am the chearter

I am the most harmful person 

I am the biggest stress 

I am the person who went too personal than just doing the tasks

I am the ugliest whom she never wanted to see 

I am the worst from all she met in the world

She herself said 

" I dont need your love "

" I just need you to give the best for work "

" I cant love you "

" I cant listen to you as I have more priorities in my life '

" I dont want to see msgs from you "

But still 

this stupid little heart wanted to love 

knowing all that still this heart wanted to love her

more she put me out from her life

this heart wanted to take her more an more

into my life

My dear heart ..

Truth is out there ...its right infront of you ...

She never want you ...never will need you 

never will love you ...never will care for you

Never even want to tell you how to let her go from the heart !!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40jx_nq39Es

Spirit of Love !!!

There was a day in days back
where you led my dignity go..
You let it washed away
infront of some one
whom I never wanted it to be
Still its just passed by tears
and some hours of silence ..

Every week , almost every day
you pinch my heart ...
where it some times
hurt for hours and even days
Still for all
I covered all that with my
little tears
thou some days are
very much unbearable

There was a day that
you didnt have the trust
to keep me with men
knowing that
it was one firm principle
I had in my life...
Infact I was shocked
to hear what I heard
coz I never expected
you to think as such of me...

In all this time
you were so clear
and firm on your words
saying you never wanted my love ..
you never wanted my care
thou you always ringed back to me
when ever you are in pain
Still I was right there
when ever you wanted
day or night ..week or weekend
No matter where in the world I am
I was one ring away from you

After all you chased me out
With an unbeliviable voice
Which still echo in my mind
And I still wonder whether its you
who made me leave you
whether its you who always wanted
the relationships to be secure
who made me go out in second..

If its not me ..
he may have left you hundred times
he may have hurt you million times
he may have cursed you ones in a while
and may have forgotten you by this time
But
But
this little heart
facing all that
Still willing to remain with you
thou you still trying to kick it off
May be its stupidity
or I am blind..
But still I dont care
all I know is
all what you did
made me love you more and more
made me miss you more and more !!!

I still waits to see you
still waits to hear from you
still stair at my skype
to see a msg from you
and sleep with my mobile
to keep you closer when in need

Isnt this the spirit of love ??
thou you never will understand ??
May be your heart is covered with
things which is not so as love
but will make you keep away from love
Oh !! I wonder
whether still there is something wrong
in me for loving you this way !!!!