You are just a stranger now...

I dont know where i went wrong 

in loving you so deep 

Seems you never understood me

You always questioned me

What I want you to feel about ...

It really meant that you felt nothing

absolutely nothing about my love

But my darling...

Did you ever noticed that the love you kicked away 

was never the same as ordinary love 

which you see in dramas or even in real love stories

I was ready for anything ..

even to die for you 

When you wanted to build the house

I wanted to find a way to get money ...

What a risk to take a loan on behalf of others

every one questioned me

Every one scolded me saying  not to do so 

But nothing could stop me 

I only and only wanted to make your dream come true

You must have got some people's help 

where they spent your belongings to make you happy 

which was not the path I followed

may be I am wrong ...May be as you say I am stupid

But I still think my love for you was much more greater than 

even sha jahen coz I built thousand 

taj mahal's inside my heart for you 

simply for you ..

But my dear princess you never saw any of those..

You only saw my love as a burden to you 

You were so scared that you may have to give your heart to me 

isnt it the problem you had ????

Yes people do expect love in return 

but still I was not that same kind

I know , I would be delighted if you could give it in return 

but I loved you without even expecting that in return

but you never even wanted my love and care...

So there was nothing much that I could do

than to accomplish your wish

Rather than keep you in fear

coz in your thoughts you always had a doubt 

whether I need love in return..which you cannot give...

Anyway now things are gone..

I know for you may be its just nothing 

but I am living without a piece of my heart ..

and the hardest is to smile before my family 

to show that I am fine

where as inside me I am dying

But still never ever I will let u in 

never in my life 

coz that much its sooooo painful when I think of the way 

you rejected my love..

you are simply a stranger to me now

to my heart you are unknown..

thou its sooooooooooo hard 

I made it so

I erased your name from all the walls of my heart..

may be it will die soon ..but still 

My heart will die without being a burden to you by giving my love...

Good bye forever darling......Have a wonderful journey a head..!!!

At last ...I let you Go....

At last I let you go...
Not because I need to ..
But I had to ..

So far it was just like
a baby inside my womb
I protected it soooo much
loved it soooooo much
and cared for it more than anything
I felt it as my own part
I felt it as my best half
But the time was up
and I let it go
It was so unbearable
may be worse than a delivery
worse than the worst pain on earth
I may not recover forever
I may not live life forever
but I know its time for you to leave
leave my mind and my heart

just like a new born infant
now you are independent
not my part anymore
Not my life anymore
you dont breath the same breath as me
which I did before when you are in my heart
You dont sleep on the same bed anymore
you dont eat the same food anymore
coz you are not my part anymore

Though this truth is so hard to believe
I know I got to let you go
I cant keep you if you dont need me
just like a baby wants to come out
you always screamed inside me
saying not to love you
not to be with you
not to care for you
So as per your wish I did so
Coz I always needs what is best for you

I am done now..done forever
this wound wont seems to heal
and the marks will remain the same
but I still servive
not because I wish to servive
I servive till a day comes
that my life will worth
for you to live
so that I can give it and go...
That is my last wish
last wish for the time I spent with you

Darling you may not know
My heart is aching, I know you dont feel it
You really knew nothing about my love
You throw it just as a tissue you wiped your face
May be cause you are still a baby
who never got what love means
you may not know what a real love can do
Specially I know and I can scream and say
that the love I gave for you
was so much unique from the rest of the world
You may not know
and I pray that you will not be able to know
Coz now its too late to understand things ..
very very very late my love...
You are gone from my heart ...my life and my mind
You may see it as I let you go from
skype , my phone , and from my pc as well...
Hope you may not turn back
Coz I dont want you to turn back
and see that I am in pieces
who gave an unconditional love
to the best as I can....

I cant take this Silence...So please Call me sooooooooon

I am half dead....

A week passed...

gosh that week was without your calls

I still wonder whether I really lived

lived to enjoy that week

ohh..I remember..

all those beautiful memories

made me still a living creature

those recorded calls, your lovely pictures

I went through all that

every day, every night, every second

which made my life a heaven..

But I cant take this silence anymore..

My dear little princess

do you hear my call ?

my heart is screaming your name

I am so numb now

without your voice

I wanna see you soooooooooooon

I simply wanna feel you so deep

please please please

please listen to the call of my heart

I am waiting waiting waiting

and still waiting , till your call

I cant take this pain anymore

please make your stay eternal

eternal inside my heart...

I dont want to live without you..

Hold me if you never gonna leave me

call me if you never gonna be silent

But still

if you think you can leave me ..

I beg you not to call

I beg you not to hold

coz I cant take this pain anymore

I miss every inch of my life

when you are without me..

Coz I left everything of me in you....

When you leave me..

I have no tomorrow, no laughter in me

Only the sweet yesterdays ..

and the sadness around

My little princess...

I dont wanna let this love die

I know its only in me..

but still I want it to live

coz that gives life to me

So please water it with your smiles

then just as a tree love will grow

Give your rays of care just as a sun

So that love wont die...

And after all understand ..

I miss you my princess

I miss you sooooo much

I need you right beside me..

i need your lap to keep my head

so that it will make me smile

that is my comfort zone

So very badly I need you

I just wanna kiss you so soft...

So that you will know

how soft and sweet my love is

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJnkcooo65A&feature=related

My heart is Calling you !!!

Its just two days may be..
But for me its just as two decades
without a call from you
do you hear the call from my heart
which is longing to hear from you
I know you dont ..
you may not feel it
you may not hear it
may be you are too busy
too busy with your work

But me...
I work, work as a dead man
no life, no gain, no strength
coz my strength is you
my life is you
so when you are gone
I am no where, my princess

Please please call me ..
My heart wanna hear from you
my ears are waiting..
and I cant take this anymore
my hopes are getting blur...

Darling my dearest love,
I did told you things
do you think its for my good ?
do you think its for my sake ?
may be for you I am just
just some one ..
But for me, you are my part
the best part within me..
so how can I blame you
how can I live without respecting you
All day and night I worship you
Do you see how much I value you
You are on top of my life
where no one else can reach ..
But my dear princess
when you dont get what I feel
its way too hard for me to take it
my little tears come out
every second I live
every minute my eyes covers from tears
only and only coz you dont feel ..
you dont feel how much you mean to me
your success is my dream
your growth is my wish
your victory is my pride
so I say when I feel that
success is going far from u...
do you think anyone else will tell u those
no..coz they dont care about it..
but me..
I am afraid , I am scared..
only when I feel you are in danger
So I scream ..coz my heart does so
it only wants see you in best
never wants to see you in pain
Please please please peep into my heart
at least if you don't feel it
just try to see what is in my heart
Its only covered with your name..
My beloved princess..
You are my pride
you are my God
Please come to me...
hold me..
I don't want to live without you !!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9KxtdRb1_c&feature=related

Make me secure.....

You are so deep
inside me
I am bound by the warmth
you have given me
may be to the world
its not the right
But still I dont care
With all my heart
I am strong enough to shout and say
to the world
that you are my angel
you are my everything
You are my life
and you are me within me...

I still wonder
What magic you had
to come inside me
so deep...very very deep
where you touch the ground of my heart
I know its only you
who are allowed to do so ..
I cant take this anymore
So please please please
make me secure
make me feel secure

Just come to me and say
that you need my love
that you need my care...
Darling
that is all I wanted
I am waiting ..waiting ..waiting
Still holding...holding on to your word
I hope you feel what I feel right now
I hope you feel the warmth which I feel inside me
I hope you got the unspoken words
inside my heart
I hope you got the gestures of my eyes
I hope you got the silence within me
I need you
I miss you
Coz I cant find me without you
I love you the way you are ...
So come to me..hold me ...
I need you beside me
Make me secure...make my feel secure

Gosh
I want to scream and say
I found you..I found my love
I found me at last...
I am soo bottled up
with all my feelings
so please let me free
Let me free to come close to you
So that I can feel every bit of you
every bit of your warmth

I love you my little princess...
I love you with all my heart
With all my words spoken and unspoken
I want to let you know
that you reached so deep in me
I cant take this anymore..
So make me secure
I need you..
Ohh..if not ..if not
kill me so that I dont have to take
even a breath without you !!!

Miss you my angel....

Every day I start,
I get up with your smile
I live with your voice
I want to wish you
so early in the morning
with a pray of my love
But I am still scared
whether it will be too much
for you to take in
I am worried
whether it might be a burden
Coz If I am to tell you
the times you call my heart
The day is not enough
coz every minute of the day
every second of the day
you cross my mind
You bring a smile to my face
when ever you come to me
You bring me warmth
which I treasure every time I breath

You are my angel
My beloved princess
Whom I like to hold
and keep my head
keeping you right beside...

When its time to eat
You eat with me in the same plate
When its time to sing
you sing with me the lovliest song
When its time to sleep
You sleep with me in same bed
When its time to laugh
you laugh with me as if no one around
But when its time to leave
You never leave me ...
I keep you holding
even if I am awaken from my dream

Do you know that ...

Your whispers are priceless
Your are my wordless spell
You are my angel
You are me..just me within me
So please tell me
a way to stop my tears
When you are gone
away from me even for a second
Coz when you are gone
I have nothing but
the pain of missing everything in my life

My heart is too tired

I was in love
To the very very deep of my heart
Even she dont belive
That this love is sooo unique
Instead my heart only knows
That I gave some thing so unqiue
and something full of new feelings
Simply to her, wrapped with care

But at last, I am way too tired
Tired of being with her
who never realized
how much she meant to me
She always thought that
She is just another who got my love
She is just another who got my care
But she never realized that
the feelings which was born inside me
was soo new and fresh only for her
I never felt so before
I never love so before

But still I know its no worth
no worth at all
I am just going behind a mirage
Thinking that she needs me
My stupid heart still believes so
Still belives that
one day or another she will understands me
She will read my heart
But my mind knows so well
that it wont happen this birth
Or even in the births to come

But how can I teach my heart
Which believes that
she is the one for me
she is the diamond for me
I see my God in her
And no matter what she does
my heart always forget the bad
and treasures the best in her

My heart is ready to leave
everything a side
just to do anything for her
My time, my thoughts ,
and most of all
my beloved feelings
so warm and unique for her
is ready even to die
die to protect her with care

My darling .....
I know you wont get it
you wont get this at all
Coz you dont feel anything
as such which I feel
But one day when I am gone
You will realize
with all senses
you will realize
what you lost
Coz the love which was
born in my heart for you
was not at all comparable
or even shared with anyone

It was born for you and die only for you !!!

I am nobody.....

No one is mine
May be Im not fine,
No one cares 4 me
No one has tears 4 me,
No one belives me
...Everyone says
that they will leave me,

If I ever cry
No one wil even ask why?
and If I ever die
No one will cry,

No one says take care
Everyone says I dont care,
When I need someone for myself
I find no one for help

What ever I do ..
I do with all my effort
is not even recognized or even cared..
I am not special to anyone
Even some are so special to me

I live my life in a dream
A dream with people whom I love
So I never want to get up
as that dream is not the truth
The truth is I am awaken
Awaken by people
to get the job done for them
They dont care , dont care at all
whether I live life or half dead
As long as the job is done ..
No one cares
How hard to do it ..and how great its done

I born alone just as every one
But I live alone just as no one
I smile from my heart
But no one sees it
I care from my heart
But no one deserves it..
I love from the very deep of my heart
But every one rejects it


One thing I wish to ask
And waits to ask when I meet the God
What made him get me on earth
And is this life worth living for ??

What am I to give you ??

I was longing for it...
I was waiting for it...
I was so clean and pure for you
All this was one year back..
its just that my eyes was so tired
tired of waiting for you
and
Now only you decided to come
Now only you decided to love
Now only you started searching for someone and
Now only you found me

But
But its too late I guess
Too late for you to come and see me
Too late for you to propose to me
Too late for you feel for me

Because now its not me
the one whom was there an year back
I am not clean anymore
I lost my heart
I lost its purity
I lost feelings
She took all that from me

But still she is no where to be found
She is no more and never was in me
She was far away
She never wanted my love
She even rejected me as much as she can
But till this very moment
She lived in my thoughts
She lived in my room
She shared my dreams
I shared everything , every single thing
in my life ...
I had no secrets for her
I was just me when I was with her and
I always felt that I was complete
When ever she is around...
Also I know when she is gone
I couldnt find me at all......

So my dear you...
I am wondering now
What am I to give you
coz by the time you come
I am just like and empty basket
May be you might have to fill it
Coz she forgot to do it..
But I cleaned my heart
and gave everything for her
Without keeping even a single bit for you...

May be you are the one for me
May be you are the one who will understand me
Far more better than her
May be you are the one who will feel for me
But still I have no sense
no feelings, nothing remaining for you
My heart is already bleeding by the arrow
which she shooted on me
That pain will never go
and till that pain last
My love will never die
It will remain and will only remain for her
So please tell me
now what am I to do ????

If you are not the one...

If you are not the one
then Why I feel so up
When I see you around
When you call me anytime

If you are not the one
Why God let us meet this way
Why I cry when you go away
Why You filled all my dreams

IF you are not the one
Then why my heart is full
As if no space for anyone else
It feels so much when you are around

If you are not the one
then why cant I let you go
Why it is so hard to live without you
Why my eyes cry when I dont see you

Tell me why ??
Please tell me a reason why
Why I feel this way
Where you feel nothing which I go through

I know you hate me
I know you dont need me
But why God let me meet you
I dont get it...Do you have an answer for it ??
Why I came this far without having a single thought from you ...

I dont know , I really dont know
but just one thing I know for sure
That you took the best out of me
so that I cant let any one even peep into my heart

Thou you are the worst pain in me You mean the world to me !!

She never never came and told me
that she loves me
She never never came and told me
That she misses me
She never never came and told me
That she needs me
She never never came and told me
That she cares for me

But this is all what I wanted to hear
All day and night
Which I heard only in my dreams
Did you find anything missing in my love
Did you find anything not true in my love
For you to not to feel it as I did
I wonder , wonder why you couldnt see
That my heart only spelled your name
all along of the love fee
Instead you only gave me pain
bags full of pain
Which cracked my heart into pieces
But even breathing so hard
I still murmer only your name
I cried more than the sea
I screamed so far so that heaven could hear
But I only expected you to heal
my beloved broken heart


You never never came and asked me
Whether I love you
You never never came and asked me
whether I miss you
You never never came and asked me
Whether I am alone
You never never came and asked me
Whether I need you

But all this time I wanted to tell you
That I love you,
love her from the very deep of my heart
I wanted to say it soo loud
but all this time
when ever I tried to express me
You put up a wall in front of me
Which made me hide all my feelings
You always wanted to say that
you need me for work
nothing else..nothing else at all.
If that is so why you waste you time
calling me when ever you need
Darling ....
I am there for you any time , any day
But still I wanted to know
whether you really wanted me so
Or you just use me for care !!!
How ever still
knowing all that
My stupid heart is bound by your love
and every moment it burns for you
it cries for you
and sure it will die for you
Even knowing that its not worth

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iB1xS0UqtHo&feature=related

Love Can do Miracles !!!

 

Its so amazing to see the way
you hit the center of my heart
Even your silence
can make me listen to thousand songs
That is why though it hurts
hurts me deep inside
when your words rush in at work
Still I want to hang on to ur sweet thoughts

Can you feel that when you see my eyes
Can you see that how much you means to me
You completed the best part of me
When you touch me you will feel that
There is a hand to rely on when ever you fall
And if you see through my heart
You will know that
no matter what I will not leave you

But still I have to say
you have taken the rights to
hurt me to the most
hurts me to the very end
No one else can do it to me
I am way stronger than people can think
but sooo much week
when I am to bear your hard words

I know love can do miracles
Love can heal all those wounds
You created inside me
But still do you know, that
the marks of all that
will remain within me
Tears cant wash all that away

I know you dont love me
I know you dont need me
I know you dont value my dignity
I know feel nothing for me
But still I let u occupy my heart
All its pieces were taken by you
As I see my God in you ....

I am left broken hearted ..

Which covered with tears 

and blood all over 

Coz I dont know what to at this time 

When you really dont have any value for me

Is this the gift for me 

For giving you the very best from me ??

Which no one else got ....

You mean so much to me !!

 

       I know you wont hear the bells of my heart and how it beats for you...Neither I want you to know how much you mean to me and what not you did to my life..But as long as men can read and these words are read, your name will be remembered and through that you will live and eternal life and that life will give life to me...
       Any one who reads hope they will read my heart which was bound by your name...Except for you I hope atleast some one some where in the world will know how much I loved you and what spell you have put around me..But still I would say that I like that spell. I love to be inside that. It may hurt but that pain is the only satisfation I see. That pain is the only gain in me. So all I like to do now is to express me to this unknown world who will hopefully see me through !!!

You are the secret I can never hide
You are the gesture that I can never forget
I am suprised to see all the vibrations in me
When your presence is around me. ..
I know its all because
you are the sound of my heart ..

You and only you are in my thoughts
every day every minute and every second
You are the one in all my questions and answers
You have taken the right to
occupy all my dreams
you are in the radiance of my sight
Where ever my vision goes I see you

So I still wonder whether its you
Or a ray of light
Or was it a smiling flower bud ??
Or was it a rain of dreams that I had this long
Within me giving life to my little heart
Or its just a mirage I see through
But still I have no option
Other than to say I love you !!!


May be this relationship lasted in your life for the shortest minutes
But that gave me a hope of a life long journey of love...
Which you may not feel , or you may not know..
But I know that without you I cant find me any where
And I am incomplete without your presence beside me !!

Loved you more and more !! - Part 4

 

  So finally you know what happened ? I joined back to work with her. Coz that is the only way I saw to be with her, I knew that I dont have space in her life, and also knew that I cant love her the way I love or may be I cant express the way I did. But still I knew atleast I can hear her voice and even can do my best to help her and make my self happy. So I started working.
        I dont know whether this is a feeling of love or even fake care. I only knows that I cant resist my heart which is longing for her presence.
        I know one thing I never hurt her the way her friend did to her. I never treated her the way she treated. I never let her down when she needed care the most. But I still couldnt find a reason why she couldnt feel that I truly cared for her, truly from my heart I loved her. Even today knowing that I am not getting any love in return, still I dont want to leave her and find it from some where else. To be honest my heart is filled with happiness being with her and that heart cannot be satisfied with another. Or even I dont think I can find a replacement. May be as per the world we have to have a family and children to take care of. But still I dont know why I feel that I am fully occupied, that no one else can reach my heart anymore.
         
.......

I loved you , loved you with all my heart
I never want to love any one now
just because you have no space for my care
I know its not right to force you
to accept or take my love
and its even not nice to force me
to stop loving just because you dont care

My dearest ...., I know this is the only way
I can say all the sweet things for you
coz infront of you I am speechless
As you refused my care
I wont say any word , word of love
But I still cant stop the way
my heart screams your name

you really filled my unknown world
with joy and care
by making me loves you so deep
That feelings has given me a long life
I am way to happy to think
that I got the most rare jem in the world
to care and protect from my own hands

This was the hardest .... Part 3

 

      I stopped talking all the sweet words I used to call her. Only because she proved me that she was in love with some one else. Do you think I felt jealous ?? Well that is what every one can think but it was not what I felt. Honestly I never felt so. Because I always wanted her happiness even though her happiness was not me.
       But little by little I got to know that she is pain. Pain because of this person. She cried most of the time in her life as she made her do so. That is the only place I felt sad of leaving her with her. I went away from her thinking that she will be happy with her. I really thought so. But seeing tears in her eyes melted me for the utmost end of my heart. I couldnt see it and neither I couldnt take it. My heart started weeping soooo loud but I never let her listen to it. I wept alone inside my room. And when ever I think of her while I walk, in the bus, or when I sleep unknowingly tears comes out from my eyes. I just felt her pain that much. More than anything I was worried because I couldnt do much about it and When I realize that I am helpless I had the feeling of even killing my own self.
        Its true that she never realize that my love was that deep for her. and its nothing wrong in her either coz her heart was so much covered with the love she had for her friend. Even I didnt try to explain her or even wanted to show and prove how much she meant to me. But I knew it was such a fresh feeling I felt when ever she is around me, talking to me. I felt the warmth of my own self when ever she comes on skype for me to see her. Inside me it was like a sudden thunder passing when ever she talks to me with care. When ever I see her pictures even it made my whole world like a disneyland. It was such a nice feeling. But I never revealed anything to her. Coz I knew she never had space in her heart for me. Atleast to accept my love she didnt have space.
          How ever little by little I started hating her friend only and only because of the way she treated her. All I felt is that she dont deserve that much of pain after doing all that to her friend leaving her priorities in life. I prayed God always asking to give her strength to face the world at this point coz I was not able to help her in any way. I tried to make her mind but doing that my pain became more and more coz I only saw her crying all day and night.
           Anyway at last I decided to leave her. Leave her so that I wont be able to see her pain. Coz she never wanted to listen to me and never wanted to make her mind either. So I left her. In a sudden decision I left her. But it was so unbelievable to see that I couldnt leave her even one second from my mind. I tried so hard. I tried very very hard. Coz I know she is not gonna loose anything by loosing me. Its only me who is gonna loose everything by loosing her. So I thought to make up my mind as it wont be a harmful thing to her.
            Can you imagine what happened after that ?? you know so far in my life I have never gone behind people who never wanted me in their lives. I always kept silent and never had contacts with the people who rejected me. But in this case for the first time in my life I cried, I cried so loud and I even cried infront of her. For few minutes I just left my dignity a side and my pride a side. Coz I realized that I couldnt take her absence any more. I screamed. When no one was at home I screamed so loud and cried. I cried as much as I can to avoid her and get adjusted to her absence. How can she enter me to so deep without even my notice. After I left her only I realized that I have lived on her world so far. She has lived on every breath of mine and that is the reason I couldnt even breath well when I left her.
           My gosh now I realized that this is something that I cannot resist. My mind, body and my soul all missed her presence a lot. All I felt is why she couldnt understand or atleast felt my love even a bit. To tell you the truth she didnt even feel a bit of my love. Can you please tell me why is that ?? It was the first time I am in love so may be I dont know how to express my love or convey the message of my love ? is it because of something like that or was it because there was something missing in my love which I thought I gave to the fullest ??  All I can say is I felt her so deep where I never felt such a warmth for anyone in the world. I even decided that I will sacrifice anything for the sake of her happiness. But every time I wanted to show how much she meant to me in my life she understood me in a wrong way. She thought I had some kind of an attitude which she didnt like. But I dont know why she couldnt realize that all those attitudes represented the pain of missing her. I really really really missed her that is all I know. And I truly felt her to the deepest and wanted every minute of my life to be spent with her.

Do you want to know what happened next ???

I really felt so... - Part 2

 

I really felt ....

        I always felt her presence near by my side, though I havent met her in real. Can you believe how can it happen ?? it was almost 4 months that we talked but havent met at all. After four months , gosh a day came that I got to know that she is coming to see me. Well isnt it a suprising news ? For me it was the most most most suprising news. and also the rhythem of my heart changed when ever I think of her arrival. At last she landed. So early on that day she came. But you know what..I couldnt go and meet her which hurt me to the very end but still I controled my self and instead of my presence I arranged a flower boquet in the air port to welcome her. And also I went and decorated her hotel room with lovly baloons and stuff which she liked. I wanted her to feel a difference and warmth of being here.
        She called me as soon as she arrived. So from that time onwards I was expecting to see her at my place. Her very close friend whom she treats as her own sister took her to her place and first day she couldnt make it possible to come and meet me. My eyes were soo painful of waiting.and when I realized that she didnt come then it was more hurt. But I didnt show her anything. How can I really show all that coz i didnt know what she will think if I show my true self. She might wonder how can a person go so deep without even meeting in real. So I kept silent. Next day she came. She really came..Really visited me which I couldnt believe. She ate from my place. the day I saw her my heart was trembling and beating sooooooooo fast. I never knew that she can be this pretty.
           I did all the best I could do during her stay though I didnt get a chance to go around with her which I really wished for. How ever her departure really made my eyes filled with tears. It took one whole day for me to realize that she is gone. I couldnt take it than crying for what I was missing. She left back to home and contacted me. Then only I was some what ok. But I realized that I have crossed the barries to move on with this so that is why I get hurt this much when she is not around by my side.
          No one knew except me that I was totally engaged in thoughts of her. I didnt let anyone know either. Coz it may create an issue. I always cried when ever she was in danger. It mostly felt the day that she almost fainted in a hotel for a pain she had in her ear. That is the day even I realized what will happen to me if something happen to her. Coz without her I really couldnt find my self. Just as if I was a part of her I felt all her pain and her sorrow. I felt it just as if its mine.
         I never told her. But I always wanted her presence in my life. I never said but I always wanted her to start my day and end my day. Do you think a love can go this deep from one end ?? Coz she actually didnt gave any sign from her end. But still I was so blind to love her. I dont know why but even when she scolded me, I liked it. I liked all the mistakes she had in her life and I liked the way she do all those mistakes. I liked every single thing she did all day and night. Its true that she didnt love me coz later I realized that she had some one to be in love with. Where I have no space in her life. So then and there I stopped expressing my feelings to her. I never send her messages, lovly messages which I was sending before. But what hurts the most was that doing all this didnt take my love away. It grew day by day. I was soooooo helpless to see that my heart was way out of control. Do you think I should be responsible for it?? I mean I only should be responsible ??

To be continued ....

Ok ..Here We Go !!! My Life - Part 1

 

Well I dont know where to start or where to end..It was last year november. I met her. Even that meeting was a strange. Coz it was a only a call. Call for an interview. first I got a mail for my CV asking a time to call her. It was almost 11pm in the night. But still I replied back asking to call me the same time.
         She called me. Ohh it was a call for almost 2 hours. It registered in my mind as the most stressful interview I had. But still it went so well and still I recall the freshness of that call. Then later she came on skype. She talked for hours and hours a day ..But still I was not confirmed with the job. !!! well isnt it surprising ?? Even I was surprised too. I was too close even by the time I got my letter of appointment.
            Since then I talked, no we actually chat half of the time. She was with me all day and night. We had so many things to talk . About my family , her family, her principles, my principles, her relationships, my relationship (thou I didnt had any to talk about). And more than anything we talked about the office work.
           Little by little I liked her company. Wanted to be with her company. I waited for her calls, her messages. mmm, I think at first it was just a feeling of sympathy. Coz I felt that she has gone through soooooo much hardship due to this business. It was amazed for me to see that she was still stick with the business after all that happened. Coz being a woman it was not at all easy to servive in this world of business.
           Even when I joined many many people said that it will be really hard to deal with her. No one has even stayed longer with her. After hearing all that I also had a doubt on her coz I couldnt find anything bad in her at the very first few weeks. She was soooo nice that I started wondering why people had to leave such a nice person.
            After around a month a day came which will never go out from my mind. That was the first day in my life that I got scolded from her. It was completely unexpected and I couldnt take it at all. She blamed me for few minutes. But soon after that She wanted to say sorry to me. In a way I was suprised to see how can this person scold so hard and the very next time to say sorry. Well that is the day I understood her biggest weekness.Also I found the reason for many to leave her. But me, I understood her anger in a different way, not as the others did. I felt that she doesnt mean what she says when she is mad. She just say things and after all in seconds she will regret of saying it.
          How every days passed giving me a chance to understand her possitive and negative sides as well. But knowing her more and more my sympathy converted to a different feeling without even my notice. Little by little I felt her warmth, her care, her love, and felt her belongings as mine. even her kids I felt as if my own siblings.
          Day by day this went deep. Soooooo deep which even I didnt expected to be. The more I tried to get away from her, more I got deep into her. She was such attractive. She had some magnetic power I feel to make people attracted to her I guess. How ever moving on her pain became mine, her future became my goal, her present became my thoughts and there was no world for me without her.
           Can you really get what I say..Coz I even dont have words to express what feeling I had towards her. But one thing I knew that it was soo honest and it was a unique experience I went through which was never felt before. .......

Part 2 will be coming soooooooooooon...... 

I am leaving my angel with you ...Please take care

 

You may not see , or you may not feel
that among all the fights and all the tears
all the sorrow and all the pain
she will still forgive you
Because
Only because she never wants to hurt you
So please I beg you
dont ever try to hurt her
and make her cry and fill her eyes with tears
Because if you do such a thing
I dont think I can forgive you
Coz me knowing that you have my little angel
whom I love the most from the whole world
And knowing you break her wonderful heart...
But if you so hurt her
You will have to pay the price of seeing
the pain in her eyes
Dont ever leave her
and incase if you do so
You will break her heart into pieces
Just as the same way that my heart is now
Standing here writing this letter to you

She will be always there for you
That I know for a fact and I am sure she will
Helping you with all the problems you have
She will take all the pain you go through
and sure she will never let you down.
She will do all this with a smile
Just for you ...
Simply for you my dear sis...

Once she has made her mark
Her beloved foot prints in your heart
You wont be able to live without her
You really will feel that
You are in a world alone with her
Nothing can ever hurt you
As long as she is with you
Coz she will never let it happen
She will make sure she protects you
in every possible way..
So never let her go from your life
Never ever try to do so
Coz you will regret it big time
I promise you so
Wait until she looks in your eyes and say
Say that she loves you
She misses you so much
But still
Dont say I love you back
Unless you really mean it
You know why I say that ?
Coz she will know it ..if you lie
And she will get more hurt from it
So please I beg you my dear sis
Take her as a petal of a rose
And protects her as you own eye
Coz She is my beloved angle
My sweet little princess
Whom I handed over to you !!!

Isnt this call love or have I mistaken ??

If Some one feels you as the most important
in a very special way
If some one can leave its everything at a risk
just for you in your need
If some one can understand you the best way
where no one else did
If some one is the only one who can see you through
which no one else saw
If some one keeps you in its thoughts
for each and every second in life
If some one can bear the worst pain on earth
just for the sake of your happiness
That some one is the only one 
who can really be in love with you !!

If you think your heart beats in the
same rhythm for some one
If you think that some one is the one
whom you cannot live without
If you feel you are no where to be found
when that some one is gone a far
If that some one is the number one
in your life where you find no replacement
If you can lie down under the sun
for that some one to feel the treasure in you
If you have no hidden stories
with that some one, only with that some one
Then that some one is the only one
only one who deserves your love !!



Love is that much a special feeling
Which will be felt for a special person

Where you find all your treasures are hidden in
Love to the fullest is where you
go beyond all the barriers for this some one

Isnt this the feeling of true love ???

Tell me please ...Am I wrong....Isnt this what you call love which I am feeling right now !!

Do I regret ???

 

They asked me if I loved you , I told them yes
They asked me if I walked along with you, I told them yes
They asked me if I cried for you, I told them yes
They asked me if I regret it , I said no
They asked me if I regretted falling for you, I told them no
As I never regret of my feelings

I felt that you were my world and you were everything to me
I felt that you are my best and the precious to be
I felt that some where deep in me you are a part
I felt that without you I cant see a life

Yes true its just one hand ..Simple as that
But how can I stop it..
I never regret it still
As still I think its the best time I had
Where I had you in my life
May be for you ..its easy to move on
Move on from in and out from my life
Did I really make it so simple for you ??
Though you made it the hardest in mine to walk over

I loved you ..Yes I really did
May be its just the past though it haunts me forever
Forever till my death..
Because I never had a feeling so deep
I never had a person where you have been kept
Ya that is why they asked me
Whether I would cry if you walked away from me
I answered no ,
Because
Because
Because I wouldn't cry if you walked away, I would die !!!!

I dont know what I feel ???

 

Is it a pain Which makes me cry ??
Is it emptiness which brings sleepless nights ??
Is it the loneliness Where I feel there is none for me
Is it a feeling of being fed up at last ??

Well...I really don't know what I feel

From the whole world which I treated so nice
I picked you to love ..to care ..and to keep forever
The day I decided that I am there for you
I forgot all my ways..My belongings

Yes as you know and as you say
whole world is mine..all are my friends
Some are my best buddies ..Some are my closest
Some I meet rare but still they are with me
But among all you were the one most unique
that I picked to give my whole heart
Just the whole heart..include all the pieces

I bathed you in care..I applied soap in love
I wiped you in joy ..I dressed you in smile
All day and night until you really feel it
Till you turn back to say you miss me..

I added beauty and strength to your life
By protecting your own as mine
Giving my whole blood, swet, and nerves
To make you rise just as tower Eiffel

But ..But ..

At last, at last I realize
Is it really worth it or I just did for nothing
I dont regret still ..never ever
But just wonder where I am gonna end up
I know the end is not fair enough
Not fair enough at all from my end

But after all still I am crazy to say
With all my heart
I LOVE YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Came for

 

I was so alone...Left alone ...Without knowing what to do..I had none to talk ...No one to tell what I feel..So I came ..Came here to tell you all about my truth inside . What exactly I feel...Its true that I am new and I may not know to encourage you to read my blogs as it may not be interested as well. But still I am gonna tell the world what I really feel inside as in case if I die...all of you (my unknown friends) will know that there was a person like me who suffered so much due to this....
                  Any way that is the start..That is all I got to say to start with...so now let me start my story...I am in love..sorry I was in love...hmmm well I dont know exactly whether to write it in present or past. But all I know is my heart is already given and no space remaining still to give for another.
                I am a she and that is also a she. I loved her soooooo much with all my heart. She was not the perfect may be. But still I saw her as the perfect person in this world. From my heart I loved her. Truly loved her. Not even a single minute passed away without a thought of her. All day and night I loved her thinking she is right beside me. I got up with her call and went to bed with her call. She was far away from me but all night she was with me in my dreams.
                I never expected anything. All I wanted from her is to accept my love. But so far she didnt. She never accepted it.She made me feel a unique feeling which I never felt before. I even cant express what it exactly. But it made me not to think about any other or reveal my heart to any other. It made my heart filled where it has no space for anther.  But still she couldnt realize how deep this love was. And how much she meant to me.
                 I am writing this just to know, is it a mistake or a wrong thing to expect love in return or do you think I should keep on thinking of a person who is rejecting me every time. Am I doing something stupid to go behind a person who never was with me unless she wanted me. Please any one of you ....tell me whether its worth to go behind a person who keep on refusing love and never even caring or giving love in return ? Let me know please....Anyway this is just a summary of my little love story..I wrote this to know the answer to the above question. But soon I will write back to you all about my love story in detail. Only for the people who are interested reading this new blogger's posts.

Please give me your comments and let me know whether I should keep on doing this ....