I stopped talking all the sweet words I used to call her. Only because she proved me that she was in love with some one else. Do you think I felt jealous ?? Well that is what every one can think but it was not what I felt. Honestly I never felt so. Because I always wanted her happiness even though her happiness was not me.
But little by little I got to know that she is pain. Pain because of this person. She cried most of the time in her life as she made her do so. That is the only place I felt sad of leaving her with her. I went away from her thinking that she will be happy with her. I really thought so. But seeing tears in her eyes melted me for the utmost end of my heart. I couldnt see it and neither I couldnt take it. My heart started weeping soooo loud but I never let her listen to it. I wept alone inside my room. And when ever I think of her while I walk, in the bus, or when I sleep unknowingly tears comes out from my eyes. I just felt her pain that much. More than anything I was worried because I couldnt do much about it and When I realize that I am helpless I had the feeling of even killing my own self.
Its true that she never realize that my love was that deep for her. and its nothing wrong in her either coz her heart was so much covered with the love she had for her friend. Even I didnt try to explain her or even wanted to show and prove how much she meant to me. But I knew it was such a fresh feeling I felt when ever she is around me, talking to me. I felt the warmth of my own self when ever she comes on skype for me to see her. Inside me it was like a sudden thunder passing when ever she talks to me with care. When ever I see her pictures even it made my whole world like a disneyland. It was such a nice feeling. But I never revealed anything to her. Coz I knew she never had space in her heart for me. Atleast to accept my love she didnt have space.
How ever little by little I started hating her friend only and only because of the way she treated her. All I felt is that she dont deserve that much of pain after doing all that to her friend leaving her priorities in life. I prayed God always asking to give her strength to face the world at this point coz I was not able to help her in any way. I tried to make her mind but doing that my pain became more and more coz I only saw her crying all day and night.
Anyway at last I decided to leave her. Leave her so that I wont be able to see her pain. Coz she never wanted to listen to me and never wanted to make her mind either. So I left her. In a sudden decision I left her. But it was so unbelievable to see that I couldnt leave her even one second from my mind. I tried so hard. I tried very very hard. Coz I know she is not gonna loose anything by loosing me. Its only me who is gonna loose everything by loosing her. So I thought to make up my mind as it wont be a harmful thing to her.
Can you imagine what happened after that ?? you know so far in my life I have never gone behind people who never wanted me in their lives. I always kept silent and never had contacts with the people who rejected me. But in this case for the first time in my life I cried, I cried so loud and I even cried infront of her. For few minutes I just left my dignity a side and my pride a side. Coz I realized that I couldnt take her absence any more. I screamed. When no one was at home I screamed so loud and cried. I cried as much as I can to avoid her and get adjusted to her absence. How can she enter me to so deep without even my notice. After I left her only I realized that I have lived on her world so far. She has lived on every breath of mine and that is the reason I couldnt even breath well when I left her.
My gosh now I realized that this is something that I cannot resist. My mind, body and my soul all missed her presence a lot. All I felt is why she couldnt understand or atleast felt my love even a bit. To tell you the truth she didnt even feel a bit of my love. Can you please tell me why is that ?? It was the first time I am in love so may be I dont know how to express my love or convey the message of my love ? is it because of something like that or was it because there was something missing in my love which I thought I gave to the fullest ?? All I can say is I felt her so deep where I never felt such a warmth for anyone in the world. I even decided that I will sacrifice anything for the sake of her happiness. But every time I wanted to show how much she meant to me in my life she understood me in a wrong way. She thought I had some kind of an attitude which she didnt like. But I dont know why she couldnt realize that all those attitudes represented the pain of missing her. I really really really missed her that is all I know. And I truly felt her to the deepest and wanted every minute of my life to be spent with her.
Do you want to know what happened next ???
But little by little I got to know that she is pain. Pain because of this person. She cried most of the time in her life as she made her do so. That is the only place I felt sad of leaving her with her. I went away from her thinking that she will be happy with her. I really thought so. But seeing tears in her eyes melted me for the utmost end of my heart. I couldnt see it and neither I couldnt take it. My heart started weeping soooo loud but I never let her listen to it. I wept alone inside my room. And when ever I think of her while I walk, in the bus, or when I sleep unknowingly tears comes out from my eyes. I just felt her pain that much. More than anything I was worried because I couldnt do much about it and When I realize that I am helpless I had the feeling of even killing my own self.
Its true that she never realize that my love was that deep for her. and its nothing wrong in her either coz her heart was so much covered with the love she had for her friend. Even I didnt try to explain her or even wanted to show and prove how much she meant to me. But I knew it was such a fresh feeling I felt when ever she is around me, talking to me. I felt the warmth of my own self when ever she comes on skype for me to see her. Inside me it was like a sudden thunder passing when ever she talks to me with care. When ever I see her pictures even it made my whole world like a disneyland. It was such a nice feeling. But I never revealed anything to her. Coz I knew she never had space in her heart for me. Atleast to accept my love she didnt have space.
How ever little by little I started hating her friend only and only because of the way she treated her. All I felt is that she dont deserve that much of pain after doing all that to her friend leaving her priorities in life. I prayed God always asking to give her strength to face the world at this point coz I was not able to help her in any way. I tried to make her mind but doing that my pain became more and more coz I only saw her crying all day and night.
Anyway at last I decided to leave her. Leave her so that I wont be able to see her pain. Coz she never wanted to listen to me and never wanted to make her mind either. So I left her. In a sudden decision I left her. But it was so unbelievable to see that I couldnt leave her even one second from my mind. I tried so hard. I tried very very hard. Coz I know she is not gonna loose anything by loosing me. Its only me who is gonna loose everything by loosing her. So I thought to make up my mind as it wont be a harmful thing to her.
Can you imagine what happened after that ?? you know so far in my life I have never gone behind people who never wanted me in their lives. I always kept silent and never had contacts with the people who rejected me. But in this case for the first time in my life I cried, I cried so loud and I even cried infront of her. For few minutes I just left my dignity a side and my pride a side. Coz I realized that I couldnt take her absence any more. I screamed. When no one was at home I screamed so loud and cried. I cried as much as I can to avoid her and get adjusted to her absence. How can she enter me to so deep without even my notice. After I left her only I realized that I have lived on her world so far. She has lived on every breath of mine and that is the reason I couldnt even breath well when I left her.
My gosh now I realized that this is something that I cannot resist. My mind, body and my soul all missed her presence a lot. All I felt is why she couldnt understand or atleast felt my love even a bit. To tell you the truth she didnt even feel a bit of my love. Can you please tell me why is that ?? It was the first time I am in love so may be I dont know how to express my love or convey the message of my love ? is it because of something like that or was it because there was something missing in my love which I thought I gave to the fullest ?? All I can say is I felt her so deep where I never felt such a warmth for anyone in the world. I even decided that I will sacrifice anything for the sake of her happiness. But every time I wanted to show how much she meant to me in my life she understood me in a wrong way. She thought I had some kind of an attitude which she didnt like. But I dont know why she couldnt realize that all those attitudes represented the pain of missing her. I really really really missed her that is all I know. And I truly felt her to the deepest and wanted every minute of my life to be spent with her.
Do you want to know what happened next ???
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